I’m going to be honest. I haven’t watched the Rice video. I have no need and no desire to. I know what I need to know, and I’ll get no thrill out of watching still more violence against women in a culture full of it.
The NFL, albeit under pressure and extremely belatedly, took the right action and made a vital statement to our kids, both girls and boys.
He took way too long to do it, but ultimately Roger Goodell sent an overdue message. Boys, if you treat women this way, there will be lasting consequences in your life. Girls, this nation will not stand by and celebrate the barbaric men who abuse women.
At least, most of us won’t.
Which brings me to the idiots wearing Ray Rice jerseys this weekend. Both women and men who feel like it’s okay to walk around making the public statement, “If you can catch a ball, it’s okay if you beat the shit out of your wife.” Men who, through their actions, are telling their sons, “it’s ok to hit girls. They probably had it coming.” Women, through their wardrobe choice are telling their daughters, “If he’s a big deal, famous or successful, you deserve abuse from him.”
It’s a sickening display of the misogyny deeply-rooted in our nation and of the unwillingness of the cowardly men and women mentioned above to take a meaningful stand.
To all of those people, both women and men – please, please spend a day in a domestic violence shelter. If you’re too lazy or afraid, spend some time reading #whyIstayed on Twitter and understand what these women go through. Then maybe, just maybe, consider why you feel an abusive man is worthy of your blind adoration. What’s wrong with you?
Girls who are exposed to domestic violence are much more likely to become victims themselves. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/22/domestic-abuse-psa_n_4645569.html
My three-year old boy and girl are too young to know who Rice is, or what domestic violence means, but this controversy has forced me to think about what I’ll teach them. And here it is.
For my son. It is not ever acceptable to hit or harm a woman. Men who do so are cowardly and sick. They are insecure people who have a demented addiction to power and need control to feel like real men. But they aren’t. Real men stand up for the weakest among us, know right from wrong and do whatever is necessary to protect their families. They respect women and draw their masculinity from character and not physical prowess.
To my daughter, you will expect nothing less than the deep-rooted and genuine respect of men in your life. You will demand to be treated well and will never settle for a man who would harm you, be it emotionally or physically. I hope when you are old enough to choose a partner, you will seek character over looks, and value mental and emotional strength over physical abilities. You are valuable and worthy of love. You are strong and resilient.
And to both of them, there are people in this world who just don’t get it. People who are swept by the power of celebrity and who have been robbed of moral code. Don’t accept them.
If I’ve done my job, you know what is important and what is right. Don’t listen to what society tells you. It’s usually wrong.
There are those who, for reasons sometimes beyond their control, are victimized by other people. Help them, don’t judge them. We can’t understand everyone’s challenges. Stand up when they can’t.
And yes. Go enjoy sporting events, movies and the other entertainment of our day.
But when you choose a hero, or a role model, please look beyond total yardage or movie reviews. Model your life and your expectations after something deeper.
Reject those who fail to reject injustice, meaningless violence and abuse.
And don’t wear a Ray Rice jersey.
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